Merch, because why not?

It may look like I'm shamelessly selling out, but what I am actually offering is an opportunity for you to remind yourself and inform your friends about how disturbingly awesome my books are.

And to fund my passion for writing, which could hypothetically enable me to quit my day job, and therefore have more time to write more books that give you anxiety attacks.

I bet half of you pirated my books anyway.

Hats

Stoners get hats, rednecks get hats, jocks get hats, hell even Jesus has hats now. Why can't nerds?

GO TO STORE

Shirts

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Because nothing is nerdier than a shirt with more than a brand name on it.

GO TO STORE

Mugs

Subtly hint at your closet anarchism while sipping a morning coffee with your supervisor who you pretend to like.

GO TO STORE

Phone and Laptop cases

Think about dystopian hellholes every time you look at your portal into the real one.

GO TO STORE

Posters

Pay money to plaster your walls with my marketing materials, like a good consumer.

GO TO STORE

Other crap

Stickers, clocks, i dunno. Maybe one day I'll say ____ it and start hawking dog bowls or something.

GO TO STORE

And the fun stuff

Beer Mugs, Shot glasses and flasks

Because you'll need a stiff drink after the trauma my books put you though.

The vendor of the other stuff didn't do fun items, so I tracked this one down, may consolidate shops eventually IDK. There's also some unique stuff on here like golf balls, bumper stickers and ornaments. The downside is they don't seem to organize my stuff in a way that makes it easy to find.

SHOP CAFE-PRESS